Emosi Berkarat

Hopeless

2011-12-14T07:43:00.000-08:00

its like ur screaming, and no one's gonna hear..

never thought that someone could be that important.

without them, u feel like nothing. no one will never understand what you has

you feel hopeless, like nothing can save you.

and when its over..and its gone. you wished that you could have it all back.

7 May, 2011. Saturday.

2011-09-17T07:53:00.000-07:00

I think, I shudnt know about what you wanna do to ur mum on Mother's Day. Its okay for you to spill it out on me...but i really have an issues with that.

I feel like a fuckin moron!

Insecure! you get me? inferior!

why is in the world that your family is sooooo fuckin perfect!? on the other side, mine is fucked up? im SOOO jealous!!

I dont wanna know, what the hell you did for your mom on Mother's Day!

Go away...I hate this feeling.

This post wast written by me in the midst of May.

cant believe I'm so disturbed..I cud even hate the Mothers Day Celebration? haha :) memories..they fade over time. dats the main reason I write.

Major Breakdown

2011-09-07T19:18:00.000-07:00

sometimes you hold so much pain n bitterness inside of you,

tryina stay strong, act like nothing happen. like a plain white sheet.

you hold it for far too long, and one day..one fine day

you woke up on your bed..figuring out your life..thinking dat you cudnt hold it no more

so you break down n cryy..cry like every bit in your life is a mistake.

letting it all go...n then there you are..cracking a smile again.

suddenly all the suffering n bitterness fade..

just like a plain white sheet,

you begin to write it all over again. :)

malaysia king bed.

2011-07-29T09:24:00.000-07:00

Chest to chest,
Palm to palm.. We were always that close..
Arm to arm
Lips to lips,

And now distances seems to be between us
I wanna ask you whether u love me,
But I don't wanna seem so weak. :(

stupidos

2011-07-27T20:04:00.001-07:00

if u want a first class service,send it to designers or who ever dat cud give u first class service. dont simply fucking send it to cheap shop or people who cant provide u ur first class service! bodohhh!

u lah stupid, not the person who did it. she doesnt know a single thing becos shes not a pro. but u are so stupiddd, knowing dat shes not a pro and still acquire her service,hoping dat she cud do it as you wish.. stupid mofosss!!!

there's no way back

2011-07-26T04:22:00.000-07:00

i think its better for me to write down my feelings rather than pouring it to people. bcos i believe everyone is battling their own war. instead of bursting and talking. writing is wayyy more better for me.

one of the easiest way for me to release all this hectic feelings inside. besides rock climbing, go kart and all these extreme sport ive been doing. as far as i know it doesnt help me a lot in de-stressing my mind.

what else i shud do?? god do i need to register myself into asylum?

beeen a whilee

2011-07-26T03:50:00.002-07:00

heyyy its been a while.

a lott of things has changed...and im all wrecked up.

i neeed to get away from here. far away from everybody.

all i need is just one more chance. to go back and erase. dats all i ever wanted. :(

hey

2011-01-22T21:39:00.000-08:00

HEY,

its BEEN too long.. now im back again. to fulfill myself. not you and you. just myself. :)

I Wish You Love

2010-06-06T22:16:00.000-07:00

I wish you health

But more than wealth

I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree

That you and I could never be

So with my best

My very best

I set you free. :')

A Lover Is A Fighter.

2010-03-28T09:35:00.000-07:00

as you said,

the series has come to an end.

so im washing my hands, packing up my things.

and walking away. yeah. walking thru that door. the black door.

it is a long-long journey, and loving you

could never be my regrets, theres nothing about you that i should regret.

all the love that we made, it was there. the sparks, the love.

yet, it is beautiful..

i dont wanna hold any grudge against you.

im hoping the same from you.

in fact i still wanna smile when thoughts of you run thru my mind.

i think you know that, i dont let many people in.

but once they're in. they're there forever.

the fact that you hurt me would never change.

im a strong and independent woman,

ive been broken by you, but could never be shattered.

thats me.

lets just smile to each other, se ikhlas yg mungkin when we bumped to each other. someday. GOD knows.

and as you did, im letting you go..once and for all.

fullstop.

2010-03-26T07:28:00.000-07:00

he look into my eyes,

and i get emotional inside.

Seriously

2010-03-26T07:06:00.000-07:00

I NEED your love to hold me up..

when its all to much to bear.

even that i couldn't hold you in reality,

Ive been keep on praying to GOD, that you will always be in my dreams.

so that you could be in my sleepless solitude every night.

i just wanna be..

2010-03-23T11:21:00.000-07:00

formspring.me/Sayyidahatiqah

Feel free to answer all your kind questions :)

Angel of Mine

2010-03-23T03:45:00.000-07:00

When I first saw you I already knew,
There was something inside of you,
Something I thought that I would never find,

you were definitely angel of mine,

shine over me when the rain came.

i looked at you looking at me.

now i know why they said the best things of you, are your love.

love left for me.

2010-03-21T06:57:00.000-07:00

would you still be mine?

you said you were there..always waiting for me.

do you still have any room left in your heart for me?

where are they,heart?

2010-03-21T03:02:00.000-07:00

"at least gimme 20 percent of your heart"- YS.

I cant. cuz i dint have any heart. i dint own one. i don't deserve owning yours too.

im sorry.

donde estan corazon?

2010-03-20T22:57:00.000-07:00

Im all cried out, over you.

hye, my name is sayy and im useless.

2010-03-20T07:04:00.000-07:00

you tell me, how do i forget about you?

what else should i do.

im fucking tired of the world.

my head feel like exploding.

wont you give back the pieces.

the pieces of my heart that you take with,

while you fading away?

:(

2010-03-20T04:13:00.000-07:00

What I'm gonna do when the best part of me was always with you?

whats in the heart, not in the head.

2010-03-19T03:26:00.000-07:00

Angel

2010-03-17T18:00:00.000-07:00

He offers me protection
a lot of love and affection.

unlike you.. who pour me tears!

a lot of grieving and pain.

finally, as the felling grows

he breathes flesh to my bones
I know that life wont break me..

I love the way He love me.

2010-03-17T09:16:00.000-07:00

Baby, theres no way out.

you can keep talking,

but baby im walking away.

the tears that falling

means nothing at all.

its time to get over you now.

you can run, but you can never hide.

2010-03-09T06:39:00.000-08:00

i saw her twin today. oh god! why???

fall into an ocean of you.

2010-03-04T03:14:00.000-08:00

dont sway.

dont ever get away.

or ill go.

im losing my control.

all of this doesn't seem right.

or this is really not right?

is it okay for me to look you in the eyes.

to swim in the ocean of your loves.

yes i wanna swim in it.

Pergi lah sayang.

2010-03-01T01:21:00.001-08:00

Penat.

2010-02-28T02:45:00.001-08:00

bodoh,

itulah org suruh sembahyang.

ke nak tunggu sampai org sembahyang kan kau?

macam mana hati nak tenang bodoh!

hidup konon2 happy.

tapi dalam hati, mati.

Tuhan, kembalikan lah aku ke pangkal jalan MU.

sesunguh nya dari KAU aku dtg, dan kepada MU aku kembali.

AMIN.

Bulan gugur digengaman bintang.

2010-02-26T00:12:00.001-08:00

Abah leaves umi,

Angah cant leave beer and cigarettes.

Adik cant even leave her prescription.

Umi has been asking me to leave you.

or she'll leave me.

sigh. one day im gonna leave the world.

first love.

2010-02-24T16:57:00.000-08:00

you were always gonna be my first

always gonna be the one.

now and forever.

for this time, please have faith in me. believe.

im gonna do this alone.

thats what i wanted from the first moment you walked away.

messy

2010-02-22T11:32:00.001-08:00

im strong but im needy.

humble but greedy.

greedy when it comes to you.

Noktah?

2010-02-22T06:28:00.000-08:00

Tonite, is the first time.

im happy ive got something to remember about you.

you're nervous. haha i could see that.

cuz i am too :)

could you please, control my heart from pouring all my love to him?

2010-02-19T20:41:00.000-08:00

The end is not near, its here.

Its here? BANG! she pulls the trigger...

pills

2010-02-18T09:13:00.000-08:00

kalo sy sempat i wanna make many2 pill for you

tuk ubat kn hati awk..

My Baby.

2010-02-15T20:21:00.000-08:00

my baby,

is a tough man.

he never cares about me.

he makes me down at his feet, begs for his love.

my baby,

is an ego man.

he always wanted to win. knowing every decision he makes was the right one.

every nite, i cried a waterfall for him. wanted him to text me, to cares for me.

my baby,

he gives me all the precious things,

any other girls can imagine from their boyfriends.

but my baby, he never pours all his love for me. he saves it for other girls.

and suddenly, i walked away from him.

my baby feels that he lost something.

so he cried for me back.

im doomed, im lost. all i ever wanted was my baby back to me.

but somehow, god plays his games well.

Im shattered to pieces, got nothing left for him.

2010-02-15T09:47:00.000-08:00

if you be my star
I'll be your sky
you can hide underneath me and come out at night
when I turn jet black and you show off your light
I live to let you shine

but you can skyrocket away from me
and never come back if you find another galaxy
far from here with more room to fly
just leave me your stardust to remember you by

*****************************************

if you be my boat
I'll be your sea
a depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity
ebbing and flowing and pushed by a breeze
I live to make you free
I live to make you free

but you can set sail to the west if you want to
and past the horizon till I can't even see you
far from here where the beaches are wide
just leave me your wake to remember you by

this post is for you. ill be trembling to death, struggling to live. but ill never stop loving you.

even if i got him.

You're gonna hate me.

2010-02-12T08:30:00.000-08:00

IM NOT HAVING A SECOND THOUGHTS!

i wanted to love you.

always wanted to pour all my love just for you.

im so sorry, when i looked at you. you reminds me of him.

but i try, i try, im still trying so hard

until i burst slowly crying.

i wanna start all over again.

back to the corner of my brain again.

where the pieces of him still located in it.

ERASE them, all those black memories of me and him.

then press the forward button. stop.

and press play when i saw you walking into the class.

smile, eyes to eyes. DOOOMMMMM! fall in love.

thats all i ever wanted for now.

Crazy

2010-02-03T09:00:00.000-08:00

finally, i am now crazy in love :)

well then..all i have to do is try!
i've got nothing to lose.

even it takes sometimes to know you.

imma do it. cause i know..it is worthy to know guys like you.

you know what,

i'm having this kind of feeling..like my heart gonna explode when i saw you smiling at me.

seriously im going crazy over you.

i cant help it.

just cant help it.

after all..this is THE TIME OF MY LIFE. :)

Abah, atiq dah pokai.

2010-02-01T19:05:00.000-08:00

So S is in love with Y..

but who's Y? ...Thats the secret i'll never tell.

till then..you know you love me, xoxo.

hahahaha.

Temptations.

2010-01-29T05:59:00.000-08:00

I LOVE YOU!!! SO WHAT ????
im sick and tired of the world, telling me what to do.
sick of everybody's telling me how I, can't, can't be your love!

Debu.

2010-01-26T21:01:00.000-08:00

Jikalau kamu bertaubat..

tetapi selalu tergoda?

dan kau lemah, tidak kuat.

taubat lagi wahai pendosa..

taubat di terima tuhan

kembali lagi, kembali..

sampai taubat mu bertahan

taubat lah berkali-kali.

Sakit Perut.

2010-01-24T04:22:00.000-08:00

I don't wanna talk about it
How you broke my heart
If I stay here just a little bit longer
If I stay here won't you listen...you wont listen to my heart.

I Wish I Have a Life

2010-01-22T08:04:00.000-08:00

idontwannadothisanymore

have you ever wish, that one morning you will wake up and suddenly you lost your memory over everything in the world and being a completely fool.

you forgot about your name, your ancient history of yourself.

on how fucking lame you used to be that you couldnt even forget your first love.

you lost all...all of it. you couldnt even remember how your mother played double standard over you and your little sister.

lose it all, you wouldnt remember how you love your brother out of anything else, but he could never stand beside you forever.

fucking shit, you forget abt everything that bring more pains instead of happyness.

more tears instead of laughter!

well you know what? fuck you and all your dreams. fuck your brain, so that the migrain wouldnt come when you start to think about life and live.

i just want the world to stop moving.

or issit better if im the one should stop breathing?

Teruskan Bermimpi!

2010-01-22T02:08:00.000-08:00

his hair..it should be soft as silk...as straight as thread.

his eyes, it could be hazel or simply black. enough to make me melt with just looking at his eyes.

his eyebrow, it should be monobrow..so that i could always kiss the middle of it. in case im in hurry, i didnt have the time to kiss both of it.

your nose...it could be just the same as mine. so that people will say that we look like brothers and sister..

thy lips..as pale as rose..but have the smell of heaven that i couldnt even resist when you're just one inch from me..

yes, thats the man of my imagination. the man i should marry. one day!

dalam hati ada taman.

dan taman itu sudah pastinya bukan utk dikau, dikau dan dikau.

tapi untuk si dia.. :)

Rapuh

2010-01-22T01:28:00.001-08:00

i need more ideas!!

need to write a script for the lecturer.

but still cant decide on what topic it should be.

goddam, i should start writing now!

Mari Jogging.

2010-01-21T06:02:00.000-08:00

Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for REAL.

leng, leng leng, tergeleng-geleng.

2010-01-18T19:36:00.000-08:00

AHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!

BAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH!!

Banyak kerja la siak! kenapa aku stressssss ni?

ok thats it! Aku nak BOTAK. i cant handle it anymore!

dont want banana to fruit two times.

2010-01-17T09:25:00.000-08:00

i miss you.

but i dont want banana to fruit two times.

so i've decide to forget you. how in earth i can forget you?

we'll see.

azerbaijan, turkistan, gurnugistan, and...go head gostan.

2010-01-01T08:25:00.000-08:00

Selamat Tahun Baru 2010!!

1 January 2010.

Here's all my resolution.

1) firstly is to maintain the cgpa.

2) keep on looking for sponsorship ----> next stop, Iran. University of Tabriz! Humanity and Social Science.

3) heading ahead without looking backwards ANYMORE.

4) FOCUS on what i want, without any premature relationship distraction.

hmmm sikit je lah resolution, tak nak banyak2 lah. asalkan aku boleh achieve apa yg kat atas ni dah Alhamdullilah. :)

be aggressive! B.E AGGRESSIVE Sayyidah to achieve all of this.

well, i'm welcoming 2010..with arms and heart wide open..

mari...mari kita mengorak langkah pertama di tahun baru ini. :)

Why was you such a fool?

2009-12-28T00:04:00.000-08:00

i gave you all of me

how was I to know,

you would weaken so easily by other woman

and now..

i don't know what to do

and I'm all cried out

Over you

I gave you my love in vain
my body never knew such pleasure,
my heart never knew such pain
and you

you left me so confused..

Standing in The Rain

2009-12-25T08:37:00.000-08:00

dear you,

are you lonely?

I exactly know how it feels to be lonely...and i know you are lonely. not ready to separate with her, whom lost all the feelings towards you.

i know, you've been betrayed by your love ones..

and i know,

the only way that makes you smile..is living through the memories of you and her.

dear you, im sorry that it did not work out between you and her. i know , you're afraid of being alone AGAIN..

l know...youre afraid of the darkness that will come back and keep on lingering your life.

understood that this is all fate and even written in your book of destiny by the hands of GOD,

What more can we pilgrim do, beside pray..that HE will loose all the burden..

enough..leave her, please dont you beg for love no more..

you could always find another one.

if she doesnt want you..please just dont be down.

you know that ill be there for you.

im your greatest daughter! im here to pour all the love that i could.

but still, i know that it will be no greater than what she can give to you.

dear you,

i love you..and i think you should know that.

i wanna you to know, if anythings happen..you could always rely on me.

you could count on me.

i wanna be you shoulder to cry on..

divorce her and remarry!

i'll find you the calon2!~ :)

Ashamed

2009-12-15T05:35:00.002-08:00

ashamed of myself.

cuz lately i've been thinking,

looks like im the one who chasing all over you.

lost? yes completely!

lost inside of this feeling.

Mengantuk.

2009-12-12T09:03:00.001-08:00

apa yang kau dapat?

tell me! tell me straight to my face.

bodohnya kau ni....apsal nak keep of suffering lagi?

its been 4 years and another 18 days..its gonna turn to 5 years!

move on la bodoh.

he's using you!

dia nak kau tunggu dia.

at the same time, dia flirt with girls..not just one, but dozens of girl!

ape lagi kau nak? bgtau aku apa yg kau dapat?

dia jaga hati kau pun tak penah, cerita pasal perempuan lain depan kau kot!

as if kau ni macam takda hati!

hahaha..tengok lah takdir permain kan kau mcm mana.

Now, you can see my heart.

2009-12-07T01:46:00.000-08:00

malas nak update.

otak bercelaru.

banyak sgt pikir.

hati menjadi kaldu.

mulut pun membisu.

i've got nothing to lose.

2009-11-08T04:18:00.000-08:00

tak confident!

semester 4 ni macam bungkus je.

padan muka kau! tu lah..haih. dont look at others la. look into yourself and ask, what the fuck is happening to you?

royally fucked upmind by that guy ke? bodohnyaaaa :(

got many things happen lately.

which i macam tak sempat breath. lepas satu-satu.

hehe, but still i had a blast. my closest cousin get weds! and she's only 22.

guess what? yes, she never had any idea, whose's her husband might be. tgk skali je through picture. then kawin terusss! parents choice katakan.

i pray for the best for both of you.

once you've come back from yemen, i wanna see you bawak balik anak sedara for me k.

cuz yeah, i cant wait to become an auntie :). make sure depa comel tau!

haih. sumtimes these people revolve all around me make me smile all the way..even heart do break some time. okay-apa-aku-merepek-ni.

p/s- for you, yes i'm letting you go. GO! go fly away from here..cepat2. pergi. shuh!

i dont wanna cry a tear for you anymore. not even a drop!

menyampah la final exam ni. tak menyempat aku nak jiwang.

2009-10-25T04:10:00.000-07:00

You never looked so good
As you did last night
Underneath the city lights
There walking with your friend
Laughing at the moon
I swear you looked right through me
But I'm still living with your goodbye
And you're just going on with your life

How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye?
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all

You, I hear you're doing fine
Seems like you're doing well
As far as I can tell
Time is leaving us behind
Another week has passed
And still I haven't laughed yet
So tell me what your secret is?
To letting go, letting go like you did, like you did

haih. pelan2 please. benda ni amik masa kan?

i dont think i have the strength to let you go.

2009-10-17T07:30:00.000-07:00

Nak buat cemana ni weyhhh.

berpeluh-peluh bila fikir fasal kau.

Finishing You

2009-10-15T19:02:00.000-07:00

i'll finish everything this week.
minggu paling hectic dalam semester ni!
i thought of handling everything well.

but GOD knows better. when he twisted upside down your plan.
maybe he's planning something better for me, my group...maybe.

sometimes. sometimes...but mostly everytime i think. i tried hard, to be HARD.
to maintain the momentum..momentum of being myself.

but you know. a girl got to do, what a girl got to do..sometimes i break down too.
yes, yes, all this pressure are making me down. but yet i stumble. i knew i could do it.
give up is really not an option for me. its a DARE.

Perut lapar,malam-malam buta.

2009-10-11T08:25:00.000-07:00

sayyidah are you down,down,down?

even if the sky is falling down?

dream last for so long, even after you're gone.

i knew it easy for you..but not for me.

Haish..

GOTTA BE STRONG AND HANG ON BITCH!

we believe in YOU.

2009-10-10T09:22:00.000-07:00

Is it fate? or written in my book of destiny?

first it was me, fine! that was not a big deal..im a fucking 20 and i can handle myself.
then it goes to fatin..dad's family,umi..makngah's family...are we all were meant to be broken?

what happens to the ties that bind us?
all i can do..is sit at the corner in my room and pray harder instead of faking my tears.
i cant show myself too others like this, the fact that i'm weak. cuz i am.

dear LORD.
we believe in you.
please forgive our sins,
cuz we pilgrim are weak and doubtfull.

emosi

2009-10-09T06:08:00.000-07:00

mau gembira..tapi sedih

mau sedih..tapi meraung

mau jalan..tapi merangkak

mau marah..tapi kenapa?

mau memberi..tapi hampa

mau penjelasan..tapi tak guna

mau pergi..tapi menunggu...

Me myself and I

2009-10-07T06:47:00.000-07:00

I don't wanna be with myself either

If i could only get away.

Just a few more years,

i hope i'd have all the money in the world just to get away.

and finally find my self..

Silence is Golden

2009-10-03T17:46:00.000-07:00

this is how feel..rite now.

Lust or Anger, which one you prefer?

2009-10-02T21:48:00.000-07:00

im making some spaghetti for my tummy.

without any lust to eat em.

i keep on smiling whenever i saw something that could remind me of you.

if only i could find a way to kill those memoirs. no, i dont wanna erase them. just kill.

but its okay, i guess i enjoy having you stayed that way in my mind.. :)

Finally.

2009-09-30T19:31:00.000-07:00

life gives me one thousand reason to be happy!

instead of one fucking reason, to be sad of.

so i'm faking my smile..and life must go on kan?

Being Stupid.

2009-09-29T04:45:00.000-07:00

yes, the pieces dont fit in anymore.

but what do i do when im the one whose forcing myself to him?

stop torturing yourself.

accept the fate. he's not yours. forever not gonna be yours.

his name not even written in your book of destiny.

so please stop.

from remembering how he's flow his fingers trough his hair..

because all the memoirs are killing you.

Emo for the whole October

2009-09-28T23:30:00.000-07:00

slow dance with me?

no second thought about that please..

Hating You Shall Be A Game

2009-09-27T12:30:00.000-07:00

I shall hate you
Like a dart of singing steel
Shot through still air
At even-tide.

hating you shall be a game
played with cool hands
and slim fingers like mine.

and when memory will lay its hands
upon your mind
and you will understand
my hatred.

i guess i was wrong, to give you all my love. to put all the weight of the world on my shoulder and loving you.

maybe its just me, maybe im the one who's wrong.

and im crying all alone tonight, wasting all my mind just to think of all your lies. white lies,plain white lies.

Untitled

2009-09-26T21:57:00.000-07:00

I'm still not assured how much you want me.
is it just me being so into you again?
I'm in danger again, coz i let my feelings run for you
and now,it's here.

Gagak Hitam

2009-09-26T05:28:00.000-07:00

Baru balik jumpa Gagak Hitam.

had a blast! walaupun sekejap..you guys still made my day!

banyak nak kongsi..

tapi nak start dari mana pon tak tau.

yang penting lepas balik jumpa korang tu aku emo sekejap.

thinking that we all grown up and choose our own way to build our future..kan?

padahal dekat sekolah dulu, semua benda sama-sama.

ponteng prep, perhimpunan, kelas, suma sama2.

kena kejar dgn fahim, lari laju tak pandang belakang dah~

kena tangkap dgn ustazah pasal tgk tv kat bilik tv malam2.

nak igt balik, tiap hari aku kat sekolah tu pon ada kenangan.

its just that benda tu tak pernah hilang dari minda aku.

since jumpa korang balik, aku refresh la benda tu suma.

but still aku tak pernah menyesal..jadi nakal macam tuh. bagi aku, tu suma nikmat dunia.

tapi effect dia, tgk la result spm! hahah mmg FLYING COLORS LA KAN!.

tapi takpe, tuhan maha adil kan..

we build our future pelan2..aku sentiasa takut dgn masa depan,

thinking wht will happens to us? to ourself. but now, as time goes by..dunia yang ajar aku jadi matang.

Back in Her Little Room

2009-09-16T05:41:00.001-07:00

apa lu rasa..bila rumah yang selama ini tempat paling damai, jadi macam neraka dunia buat lu..

tempat terakhir yg lu ingin jejak ialah rumah lu sendiri.. apa lu rasa? kalau gua..gua nak hilang ingatan boleh dak? nak lupa siapa diri gua yg sebenarnya.

nak lari dari suma lah senang cita.

yang penting kita happy!

2009-09-14T09:03:00.000-07:00

results for economy test are out! and i'm super happy with it! hehehe

aku macam nak pengsan jugak la tgk itu markah, what the fish weh??? full mark okay. nak tau tak? yg aku ni dari kecik smpai besar tak penah lulus matematik. and now aku dapat full mark. kegilaan apa kah di bulan ramadhan inikah? * bersyukur*. lepas berhempas pulas, memulas buah pulas, akhirnya aku berjaya gak wat paper killer tuh. cewahhh killer la sgt.

bad news- gemok sakit balik, kali ni lebih teruk. aku tak sedap hati dgr..and beebi keep it as a secret for me. what for? panas hati betul aku..jgn la, aku pon nak tumpang tanggung beban beebi jgk. haih..dugaan bulan

ramadhan betul..

good news- raya preparation are super ready! cuma aku rasa taun ni tak meriah maybe. gigi (bukan nama sebenar) takda..gemok plak sakit, hmm tinggal aku dgn pak kesing je lah..

mood sekarang- berkepam ketiak utk menyiapkan suma assignment before raya. nak serang umah munang dgn mercun la taun ni.

i love you, i love you..but most of all, i love myself!!!!

Mata lebam. Muka Alien. 2nd series

2009-09-10T19:46:00.000-07:00

Lupa aku ada blog. kah kah kah.

kau ni emo la..jgn lupa kau dah 21 okay. start handling things using your brain. dont mix it up with your emotion lah kan. bila dah campur dgn emosi..kau jadi sama mcam aku lah!

hey mamat, kau kena igt suma benda jadi ada hikmah k. so anggap jelah ni ujian buat kau.

setakat benda ni aku rasa takde pape lah yg nak dibanding dgn aku ni..forever ujian tau tak...aku rasa ko tak cukup kuat la nak berdepan dgn masalah. jgn lari weh..itu bukan penyelesaian. benda boleh bawak bincang. duduk and fikir lah ape next step kau selepas ni.

**************************************

okay, minggu ni..minggu productive aku. yang aku buat keje gila banyak macam jimbet! test berderet2. tiap tiap hari pastu..pastu pagi petang siang malam suma ada test. macam mana la otak gua tak senget bai?

yang penting aku berusaha macam nak mati. sampai dalam dewan pon aku berusaha utk tiru gak. panjang gak lah leher aku tgk paper org..hohoho.

life is how you make it kan? apa yang penting?? aku USAHA!

Menuju jalan gelap, sambil tangan pegang note publishing

2009-08-29T07:10:00.000-07:00

Quit Playing Games With Myheart

2009-08-26T22:55:00.000-07:00

Results for economy test are out. and i'm dooomed!

Ape kebenggap sgt aku ni?? ishhhhh bukan aku tak usaha. tak tau la apa yg tak kena lagi. but aku make sure aku balas balik.....i'll pay back for this..aku takkan menyerah kalah lagi. belum masanya. time aku give up, masa aku duduk dekat dewan exam..menulis ayat terakhir aku then pengawas peperiksaan pon cakap masa dah cukup. time tu aku benti kira2. and serah kat Allah je.

hari ni aku down. takda mood nak puasa. kalau ikotkan everytime aku down pon aku tulis kat blog ni. ni cara aku.

luahkan suma yg aku rasa kat sini. dats why aku tak penah bgtau kawan2 aku. kewujudan blog ni. it is a shame for me for people to know. that i am weak.

senang cita, kepala otak aku berserabut. aku tanak complain! aku tanak cakap pasal ni.

aku just nak duduk and berfikir tentang kekecewaan aku. pastu aku nak pikir solution utk benda ni.

sebenarnya, tahap cuak aku telah naik menggunung.

macam takda mood nak hidup je. tapi tak cukup amal utk mati lagi. apa patut aku buat?

but you couldnt see the flame. only myself to blame.

2009-08-24T05:52:00.000-07:00

hari dah bape hari puasa ni. tapi kenapa aku still dgn perangai berkarat aku.

bila nak berubah?? *serious doh ko kena berubah, kalau macam ni la slalu..hancus weh, hancus!*

last week, mmg minggu killer aku. yg kerja banyak tahap itik pegang tangan, berbondong2 pulang petang bersama ibu. aku bangun pagi, rase cam nak kena stroke, bila tgk jam dah pukul 9 pagi and aku terlepas lab test pukul 8.30.

nilah akibat tido 2 jam dari pukul 6 pagi lepas siap kan suma assignment.

masa bangun tu, rasa cam nak pitam. bila tutup mata. terbayang-bayang 5% markah aku hilang akibat terlepas lab test. macam ******* ( bulan poser tak bek charot).

minggu ni aku nak lebih baik dari last week. i'll promise myself for that. determination aku kuat kan? tapi still tak boleh lawan nafsu tidur aku. haha. tidur ni aku rasa serius bazir masa aku utk banyak benda. tapi aku suka jugak tido. macam mana tu? ( okeh, aku dah start sound like keling)

hari ni kat kl sentral air mata aku bergenang kejap. lepas tgk beebi hantar aku.

hati jadi sebak gila tgk muka beebi yg penat, dah tua and berkedut2 gigih hantar anak utk study.

aku tau dia rindu aku. tapi dia tade mase nak cakap. motif la dia nak cakap?? kamon la beebi kot.

tapi masa aku tutup pintu keta aku tgk dia macam tahan nangis je. bila aku cakap * umi jaga diri, papehal call atiq tau* cewah aku plak yg bajet jadi mak kat sini.

bila la 5 waktu aku nak penuh? jenguh tunggu diri berubah!

sampai bila weh? sampai ikan ada jodoh dgn kucing.

2009-08-22T06:32:00.000-07:00

motif utk aku menulis hari ni takda apa pon sbnarnya.

aku risau kat si gemok, sebab dia tak sihat lagi.

aku risau kat shalihan beebi pasal dia penat jaga si gemok.

aku risau tgk suma org yg risau kan si gemok.

aku risau, bila aku punya risau nak abis pon tak tau.

sempena bulan mulia ni. ramadan al mubarak katanya.

aku pohon trillion juta kali ganda kat Allah.

bagi beebi sihat, supaya dia dapat jaga si gemok.

bagi gemok sihat, supaya dia boleh jaga beebi.

bagi aku sihat. so i could look out for both of beebi and gemok.

at the same time.

esaimen aku macam ( what the fishhhhh, awat banyak gila ni)

tapi aku gigih buat gak, demi US bitch, US! ( jauh kan aku berangan)

aku tgh super extreme sedih. but bila tengku muda joe kata ini ujian dari tuhan. aku POSITIVE balik.

aku sayy, sayy tak mengalah ok. bila dah takdir. baru dia tunduk, akur dgn kebesaran ALLAH.

serpihan dia tak boleh di sambung semula

2009-08-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

my heart aches. it breaks a thousand times.

but still you are the one, i run to..

but tonight..those 5 years was vanished. vanished by him.

thank you for making me believe that you could be faithfull to me.

now, its time to go.

black-black heart. now its just me and my heart.

Monolog utk si gemok, rambut pendek ikal mayang warna blonde.

2009-08-14T23:24:00.000-07:00

kenapa kau pilih dia? kenapa tak aku?

dia budak lagi..umur baru 17 tahun. tak paham apa-apa lagi kerenah dunia ni. banyak lagi yg dia nak kejar utk masa depan dia.

Tuhan, kau sembuh kan lah dia. aku terseksa tgk dia macam tu. macam mayat takda nyawa.

tak tahu apa sepatutnya di buat, apa patut dia fikir. dia kembali macam bayi berumur 3 tahun.

semua di suap kan oleh tangan ibu. aku pun binggung. meniti masa depan yg masih tak pasti utk dia. dia taat pada MU, berbanding aku yg celaka durjana ini. tapi kenapa Kau pilih dia.

aku tak mahu persoalkan takdir mu. aku insan kecil. aku emosi. aku faham ada hikmah nya.

tapi tuhan, aku tak sanggup lihat dia begitu...aku lemah, hati hancur, kepala otak aku kosong. ibarat nadi aku yg terhenti melihat dia begitu.

aku cuma nak lihat dia tersenyum macam dulu. ejek aku. cakap aku macam keling. takpe kali ni kau cakap beribu kali pon takpe. asal kan kau sembuh. aku boleh amik turn kau basuh pinggan kat rumah sampai bila-bila kau nak.

janji kau sembuh. kalau tidak, aku yg merana. emosi,aku emosi.

aku ikhlas

2009-08-14T22:40:00.000-07:00

i hate you, i'm going back home.

sedih. sampai bila nak abis sedih pon tak tau la. dhaous cakap dalam masa 40 hari.

aku nak try. try smpai bagi boleh. takkan nak give up?? kamon man itu bukan cara aku.

tak abis berjuang lagi. dah bachul !!!

mari ekonomi, mari kita bertempur. aku takkan kalah dgn kau.

wa tarak gentar sama lu la subject ekonomi.

dunia aku pusing pusing

2009-08-13T20:43:00.000-07:00

Otak aku berkarat, macam blog ni. aku tak tau nak pikir apa. part 4 ni aku makin banyak rileks

ambil mudah semua benda. walaupun aku try hard gila utk semua benda. aku still rasa apa yang aku buat tuh tak cukup bagus *sebenarnya aku tak push habis pon diri aku*

aku marah dgn diri sendiri. kenapa lembik sgt kau ni?? macam pondan! tak independent lansung!

bodoh la kau.

nak apa lagi?? *nak score cikgu*

habis tu kenapa malas?? * saya sakit cikgu*

eleh demam sikit dah kata sakit?? * saya tak larat cikgu*

sayy tolong jgn jadi pondan, kuat pelissss. demi masa depan kau.

haih, melepas lagi nak joging pagi ni

2009-08-09T21:48:00.000-07:00

kerja sumpah banyak..tape-tape aku sort out sikit2.

pasti boleh....yeah rakan mudaaaaa (menyanyi skit)

dis week pegi balik KL macam haram..kalau minyak murah tape..hesh! interview sana-sini..tape demi A utk subject ni aku kene berkorban sket la. hehe.

kalo bleh suma kerja outdoor aku nak setel kan before puasa, so time puasa tu bleh la aku beribadah banyak sikit. siang baca quran, malam terawih 20 rakaat ( cewah, padahal aku tido jek time puasa ) hahahah.

15hb ni kakak sedara aku dari yaman balik....yeahhhhh aku kirim tudung macam2 jenis! kau tak bawak siap kau..kasik wrestling sama kau gemok! anyways, kak nor 3 tahun tak jumpa..aku rindu dgr kau merepek..cant wait to see ya!

*lama betul nak tgu mamat ni call aku..haih masuk angin keluar asap la jawab nya!*

hati kau hitam macam bibir kau

2009-08-08T22:16:00.000-07:00

paling benci bagi aku ialah utk membenci org. silap besar aku mmg benci kau! abah aku cakap, everytime kita benci org..ada satu tompok hitam dalam hati akan muncul..so tak pasal-pasal aku dapat satu tompok hari ni.. haih!

aku mmg takda life, tak macam kau..tiap2 malam minggu berpesta pegi clubbing sana sini. minum sana-sini. mabukk.. tapi at least aku tak pernah dengki kat kau. dengki tgk life kau...so kau tak payah la ada perasaan hasad dengki kat aku.

aku ni mmg tak boleh banding dgn kau la..kau lah yg pandai cantik ,lagi mega, lagi ratu mesapotamia, kaya, meletop2!

tapi kenapa kau still dengki dgn aku?

first entry katanya..

2009-08-08T09:25:00.000-07:00

aku mmg pemalas tahap cipan..nak buat buat blog suma ni. tapi memandang kan doktor kata tahap stress aku naik mendadak. dia cakap aku kena ada punching bag utk lepas kan suma geram..pastu cool down balik.

aku pilih jalan singkat. bukan bunuh diri terjun dari tingkat 14 atau clubbing atau isap weed, tapi blogging! TADAAA!

so skarang..ape saje ketidak puasan hati aku..or kegumbiraan dan kesenangan akan aku kongsi kan dgn gajah mengamuk ni.

hari ni satu hari beebi marah aku! mula dari bangun pagi sampai malam. i guess i should never gone back home.

aku cube untuk berkompromi sebaik mungkin dgn kau..ikut cakap kau dari A smpai Z. aku tak nak kau marah.

cube sebaik mungkin utk puas kan hati kau beebi. cakap je apa patut aku buat utk kau puas hati.

aku janji takkan sekali pon memberontak dgn kau. hormat kau sebagai ibu yg melahirkan aku.

tapi, tolonglah..kadang-kadang bagi aku ruang nak bernafas sikit. aku sesak nafas tau! semput. semput dgn semua perkara yg kau aturkan dalam hidup aku.

*aku nak foward kan masa boleh tak?*

Emosi Berkarat

Hopeless

7 May, 2011. Saturday.

Major Breakdown

malaysia king bed.

stupidos

there's no way back

beeen a whilee

hey

I Wish You Love

A Lover Is A Fighter.

fullstop.

Seriously

i just wanna be..

Angel of Mine

love left for me.

where are they,heart?

donde estan corazon?

hye, my name is sayy and im useless.

:(

whats in the heart, not in the head.

Angel

I love the way He love me.

you can run, but you can never hide.

fall into an ocean of you.

Pergi lah sayang.

Penat.

Bulan gugur digengaman bintang.

first love.

messy

Noktah?

could you please, control my heart from pouring all my love to him?

pills

My Baby.

Im shattered to pieces, got nothing left for him.

You're gonna hate me.

Crazy

Abah, atiq dah pokai.

Temptations.

I LOVE YOU!!! SO WHAT ????im sick and tired of the world, telling me what to do.sick of everybody's telling me how I, can't, can't be your love!

Debu.

Sakit Perut.

I Wish I Have a Life

Teruskan Bermimpi!

Rapuh

Mari Jogging.

leng, leng leng, tergeleng-geleng.

dont want banana to fruit two times.

azerbaijan, turkistan, gurnugistan, and...go head gostan.

Why was you such a fool?

Standing in The Rain

Ashamed

Mengantuk.

Now, you can see my heart.

i've got nothing to lose.

menyampah la final exam ni. tak menyempat aku nak jiwang.

i dont think i have the strength to let you go.

Finishing You

Perut lapar,malam-malam buta.

we believe in YOU.

emosi

Me myself and I

Silence is Golden

Lust or Anger, which one you prefer?

Finally.

Being Stupid.

Emo for the whole October

Hating You Shall Be A Game

Untitled

Gagak Hitam

Back in Her Little Room

yang penting kita happy!

Mata lebam. Muka Alien. 2nd series

Menuju jalan gelap, sambil tangan pegang note publishing

Quit Playing Games With Myheart

but you couldnt see the flame. only myself to blame.

sampai bila weh? sampai ikan ada jodoh dgn kucing.

serpihan dia tak boleh di sambung semula

Monolog utk si gemok, rambut pendek ikal mayang warna blonde.

aku ikhlas

I LOVE YOU!!! SO WHAT ????
im sick and tired of the world, telling me what to do.
sick of everybody's telling me how I, can't, can't be your love!